Guitar Safari » Rants

Dessert & The Desert

Guitar Safari — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 19:20:28 +0000

Well alright! We made our way out last weekend to Joshua Tree for a couple days of debaucherous hilarity. Losing our car in the dark parking lot of Pappy & Harriet’s…lost purses, lost cameras, rides in cars with strangers, more rides in more cars with different strangers, climbing through windows, and seeing one of the most amazing bands on the planet! The Sadies. Dallas Good, Travis Good, Mike Belitsky, and Sean Dean. A better than perfect mix of Psychedelic Country, Garage, and Canadian Surf Tunes (Imagine that!). These guys are so bizarre and cool. They’re like a Charm Of Hummingbirds attacking Tippi Hedron in a phone booth! This is my third time hearing them live, up close and personal (Check the photos). The desert can be incredible all on it’s own but when the Sadies are added to the mix of rocky desert scenery, there is some well placed rock…and no telling what’s gonna happen. We managed to find a tiny bungalow for the weekend in the middle of nowhere with a kitchen and a view. The Rimrock Ranch. DO NOT GO THERE!!! I just might need the room for myself! Great folks, nice surroundings, Petticoat Junction style aluminum pool, and a nice doggy that hangs around in the dirt then invites himself in for the night if you give him a leftover Rigatoni Noodle. Then next, you’ve got your Pappy & Harriet’s. This is where you can go and listen to raunchy bands while having the most impossibly delicious Blackened Catfish Sandwich and sweet Homemade Strawberry Shortcake, then ask for a lid for your Iced Tea and have the wonderful waitress Madeleine tell you with a smile ” You’re shit-out-of-luck Bitches!” “No lids for the plastic cups.” The whole weekend was one crazy, dusty Dune Buggy Hayride to Heaven!

It was great to meet and talk to The Late, Great Jimmy Bryant’s son John who just happened to be our neighbor for the weekend. He’s busy making a documentary about his father entitled “Stratosphere Boogie”. Keep an eye out for it! Everyone was so entertaining! I’m sure I was too. Knocking on everyone’s door to no avail at 1:00 am after realizing that the key to our rented Love-Nest was still in the invisible car at Pappy & Harriet’s black-hole parking lot after the show. Using my brain, I decided to Reverse-Defenestrate myself through the Bedroom window, nearly breaking my neck before the bed below me broke my fall. Hooray! This is probably way too much information for all of the casual readers of this sporadic blog….all two and a half of you! Oh, by the way, I still have a Guitar Shop and you need to go there very soon and throw money at me, then go to the Desert. It’ll do you some Good! The Brothers Good that is! Go see the Sadies when they come around…just be sure to mind your P’s & Q’s!!!

Talk To Me.

Guitar Safari — Sun, 11 Apr 2010 21:16:25 +0000

If only I could come up with some kind of innovative genius notion like this for guitar players. Hmmmmmmmm….?

Excuse me while I puke. …Whoah Nellie! I guess I just figured out what this glob of shit is…It’s The Colonel’s version of Chicken Cordon Bleu…at least they could hire a photographer that doesn’t make it look so disgusting….or is that even possible?
I’m sorry but this looks like Sarah Palin to me…the most horrid, caustic, ignorant and poisonous kind of thing one might ingest.

Football Results!!!! Darlington Nil?

Guitar Safari — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 17:27:37 +0000

The inimitable and charming Mark E. Smith!!! You may ask, what does this have to do with anything? The answer is EVERYTHING!!!! Long Live The Fall!

Knee Jerks

Guitar Safari — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 19:24:44 +0000

Hey Folks! Well it’s finally here… physically, the biggest, most gigantic cover band in all the land. ALL REACTIONARIES ARE PAPER TIGERS (there’s like 40 people in this band?) will be performing at the legendary HAROLD’S PLACE right here in St. Pete, Ca. on February 20th, 2010. Whippin’ it out in honor of Martin Tambourovich and D. Boon. Trying to relive the 1979 vibe that was the precursor to The Minutemen. THE REACTIONARIES. Who would believe it would take ten bands to recreate just one? I would, and I’m part of it. Also on the bill, the total mind-blow of Saccharine Trust playing the entire Pagan Icons LP LIVE!!!! This is gonna be something! Bring your Mom on down and let’s make a mess of things. Click the poster image for details!! http://waterunderthebridgerecords.blogspot.com/ Thanks to Craig Ibarra, Kevin Carle, Mike Watt and all the knuckleheads at the big blue house that is Cali Mucho Studios! The Reactionaries LP is on sale at my shop for a very limited time…and it’s pressed on GREEN VINYL! Artwork by the incredible Joe Baiza! Have a bit of a romp and do something healthy for your head…reminisce about before you were born! Oh yes, and if you’ve got the time, check out this Mike Watt Internet Radio Show that will tell you almost everything you might want to know about everything.
It’s 1979! Look Ahead……………

Bowie Knife. Too Big To Flail?

Guitar Safari — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 18:47:07 +0000

I’ve been doing a shitload of repairs lately and listening to all kinds of great early 70′s Glam Rock…can I still call it that? This stuff regularly gets me through the day of fixing people’s greasy broken guitars! New York Dolls, Iggy, Roxy Music, Slade, David Bowie, Todd Rundgren!!!

Am I nuts or is this the best shit ever recorded? Conceptual, rocking and very loud. I’ve decided to crunch this photo and top-notch video for y’all.

Juxtapose for the good of all Humanity!

I’m Very Sad…….and……………

Guitar Safari — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 06:40:42 +0000

Okay look, there are only so many people I can stand….Lhasa de Sela is someone that I just got to know…not personally, but I love her voice and I just found out that she sadly passed away on the first day of this year 2010…from breast cancer …age 37…please check out this video and tell me if she isn’t one of the sweetest things to have ever graced this planet. Stuart Staples is one of my heroes as well…..I’m very sad.

Kiss your dog goodbye…..I’m wearing my Pink Ribbon today…and from now on.

PROBABLY HOW THESE GUYS GOT STARTED…

Guitar Safari — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 16:49:31 +0000

Howdy! I’ve been asked many times to have a Bulletin Board in the shop so people can advertise for musicians wanted, gigs, art shows…etc…
Okay, here it is, only it’s not in the shop, it’s right here under your nose. Just click the Bulletin Board Tab and get your band on…I’ll help you!
Now for your enjoyment. An early shot of one of the best bands to ever walk the Earth. The Birthday Party. Rowland S. Howard and Tracy Pew R.I.P.

Ladies and Gentlemen…..

Guitar Safari — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 16:50:39 +0000

The amazing …….

Tielman Brothers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just a little post x-mas/happy x-year present for all you rockin’ knuckleheads out there.
C’mon down to the shop this week and get a free Guitar Safari T-Shirt and join the G.S. Bocce Team for the grand opening of the new 22nd Street Park on, you guessed it…22nd Street! That’s this Saturday, January 9th, Twenty Ten. BYOJ. Two unscathed and pristine Bocce Courts and contrary to legend, A FREE LUNCH for your enjoyment. Who ever said that There’s No Such Thing As A Free Lunch? It’s on the sign just outside the park! Check it out. This is serious! I’m calling out all the other music shops in town to take on the Fire Breathing Guitar Safari “Botched Executions” Team. End of story!

Merry X-Mas & A Happy X-Year

Guitar Safari — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 16:45:26 +0000

Good morning! Yup, it’s that day again. Wake up and fill your sack full of eggnog and sausage. Rip some paper from a box or two and throw it in the trash but make sure it makes it to the recycling bin! It’s such a nice sunny day here. I really hope we won’t have a terrorist attack today…that would be kinda lame. I’m on full-tilt X-Mas Red & Green Alert! My sweet Gal just wandered out of the bedroom and sang me a Psychobilly song that she whipped up in her half asleep state. “I Don’t Want To Drink Alone”. She actually sang some of it to me right off the cuff. It’s like wakin’ up with Reverend Horton Heat on this, the most important Ancient Pagan Holiday that was hijacked by you other folks…you know who you are. What’s all this nonsense in the Bible about it being a sin to place an icon like a tree in your home at this or any time of the year? What Hooey! I dare you, read it and weep. I don’t care either way. Ahem, Amen and Amon Duul II! Google my ass up!…Now I’d like to take this opportunity to reach out to all of the sad Republicans and offer them my condolences for this wacky Heath Care Reform dealio. I think it’s pretty damn cool that Health Insurance companies can legally operate in collusion (it’s on the books Baby!) when any other type of business would be sued so fast it would make your head swim. Then you’d really need a Doctor! It’s like Disney getting a special extended copyright license protecting their crap from becoming Public Domain and guess what? No one else gets that Government Sanctioned lolly-pop! I know, I know, it’s lame that Democrats came up with stupid stuff like Medicare and Social Security. Who would ever want or need anything like that? Not me. No way! I’m planning on being very healthy and super rich until forever comes a-knockin’…and that ain’t never gonna happen! I want the Government out of my life once and for all! Don’t fix the roads, no schools, pollution, LAWS?!??!?!!! Are you kidding me? I’m so fed up I could tea-bag myself…but, Hey! Look what I found under the tinsel tannenbaum this morning!

: Two of those…whatchamacallits

That’s right, Satan Claus brought me a high quality photograph of some nice old Gretsch Guitars! Happy Holidays to everyone who came to my humble shop for their gift buying needs.
My X-Year’s Resolution? Keep making fun of, and providing better service than those GuitWhore Center and Sam’s Ass wannabes across town…although, through the kindness of my heart, I sent some of my customers over there who were looking for Cardboard Pink Guitars with Unicorns painted on them.
See ya’ll next year!!!!

Love,
El Jefe

Guitar Safari Perennial X-mas Croquet Bash 2009

Guitar Safari — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 07:12:02 +0000

Jesus Christ! Point Fermin Park was bursting with holiday merriment today in a veritable celebration of inebriation for the virgin birth we’ve all been waiting for since 0000 B.C. That’s right, the core crew from the G.S. got our groovin’ Booty Call Butts out on the lawn and jumped into a gnarly game of Poison. Please be aware, this is a far more vicious version of pedestrian Croquet, maybe not for all you thumb-suckers out there. In rare attendance were the usual suspects…I know that doesn’t make any sense but I like the sound of it….The ridiculous Laskey Brute Brothers: Adam & Chris, Danny “The Dandy”, Max “Worldwide” Webb, DJ G-Spot, “Tall” Nick, Jenny “Punkin’ Butter” D. and yours truly. Not one of the aforementioned had ever held a mallet in their girly little mitts, yet after much tutelage from their coach (me) regarding the finer points of the game, all of which were immediately discarded, the wicked battle ensued. Three bottles of wine and several fried chickens later, Max had achieved the dubious and soon to be revealed, appropriate distinction of “POISON”…which means that if he touches anyone’s balls with his own, they’re dead, out of the game…but I’ve only got to hope that you would have known that already. Sadly but not so shocking, the first to go down to Max’s tireless wrath was DJ G-Spot. Not living up to his name nor his game due to an extended previous all-night frivolity and morning Pub Crawl, it was more a case of euthanasia on Max’s part, to single him out and send him to the loser’s drinking blanket early. An almost sad yet apropos development indeed. Soon and quite remarkably, “Dandy” makes it past Max’s horrifying minefield of imminent death back to the safety of the home wicket, claiming victory as the winner of the match. Everyone else falls prey in a merciless succession of Max’s spherical ricochets of expulsion save for our hero, Adam with the aid of Super Coach and newly appointed Good Witch Of The West, aka Punkin’ Butter, who managed to steer him to whack his ball through a series of imaginary flaming hoops of actual fiery flaming fire that threatened him at every turn while being chased by Mad Max. Adam finished the contest in a not so unusual for him, “sloppy seconds”-style second place. It was incredible! The guy’s as hapless as a blind salamander who’s volunteered to take a ride on a rotating Barbeque Spit. He can read and write but in his own words knows “nothing about math or physics”. You know, like holding a wooden mallet and projecting a theoretical straight line so as to send a croquet ball in a rolling trajectory that doesn’t resemble a dog’s fucking hind leg. So, once again, a synopsis of the finish line…First Place (with honors) Danny. Hell yeah! Now where’s my drum-head? In a “Special Mention” Special Olympics kind of way Second Place, the guy that I lost money on by betting against him not lasting more than thirty seconds without crying about the injustice of the game, Adam. You Kill Bro! Lastly, “Worldwide” with a pretty tight performance as POISON in Third Place. You ain’t so bad neither! Good Job to all who dared! It was an amazing and inspired tournament throughout the afternoon. We rounded out the day by eating cookies and sipping what dribbled from the empty wine bottles and talking hilarious shit about lost “loves” and maligned interpersonal relationships manifested in endless wild gesticulation, followed up by falling over dead in the grass as evidenced by the portrait of Chris, (scroll back up) sleeping with drink and smoldering cigarette in hand, dreaming away in everyone’s familiar, favourite, frustrating and pointless “Where did I go wrong?” mode. Sorry about the lack of pictures of the actual Croquet Game but believe me, we’re all very happy to still be alive. See y’all next year!

The last photo is of six foot six newcomer and non-litterbug “Tall” Nick sporting his totally radical nimbus.

MERRY NIMBUS DAWG!!!!!!