Guitar Safari Perennial X-mas Croquet Bash 2009

21 12 2009

Jesus Christ!  Point Fermin Park was bursting with holiday merriment today in a veritable celebration of inebriation for the virgin birth we’ve all been waiting for since 0000 B.C.  That’s right,  the core crew from the G.S. got our groovin’  Booty Call Butts out on the lawn and jumped into a gnarly  game of Poison.  Please be aware, this is a far more vicious version of pedestrian Croquet, maybe not for all you thumb-suckers out there.  In rare attendance were the usual suspects…I know that doesn’t make any sense but I like the sound of it….The ridiculous Laskey Brute Brothers: Adam & Chris, Danny “The Dandy”, Max “Worldwide” Webb, DJ G-Spot, “Tall” Nick, Jenny “Punkin’ Butter” D. and yours truly.  Not one of the aforementioned had ever held a mallet in their girly little  mitts, yet after much tutelage from their coach (me) regarding the finer points of the game, all of which were immediately discarded, the wicked battle ensued.  Three bottles of wine and several fried chickens later, Max had achieved the dubious and soon to be revealed, appropriate distinction of “POISON”…which means that if he touches anyone’s balls with his own, they’re dead, out of the game…but I’ve only got to hope that you would have known that already.  Sadly but not so shocking, the first to go down to Max’s tireless wrath was DJ G-Spot.  Not living up to his name nor his game due to an extended previous all-night frivolity and morning Pub Crawl, it was more a case of euthanasia on Max’s part, to single him out and send him to the loser’s drinking blanket early.  An almost  sad yet apropos development indeed. Soon and quite remarkably,  “Dandy” makes it past Max’s horrifying minefield of imminent death back to the safety of the home wicket, claiming victory as the winner of the match.   Everyone else falls prey in a merciless succession of Max’s spherical ricochets of expulsion  save for our hero, Adam with the aid of Super Coach and newly appointed Good Witch Of The West, aka Punkin’ Butter, who managed to steer him to whack his ball through a series of imaginary flaming hoops of actual  fiery flaming fire that threatened him at every turn while being chased by Mad Max.  Adam finished the contest in a not so unusual for him,  “sloppy seconds”-style second place.  It was incredible!  The  guy’s as hapless as a blind salamander who’s volunteered to take a ride on a rotating Barbeque  Spit.  He can read and write but in his own words knows “nothing about math or physics”.  You know, like holding a wooden mallet and projecting a theoretical straight line so as to send a croquet ball in a rolling trajectory that doesn’t resemble a dog’s fucking hind leg.  So, once again, a synopsis of the finish line…First Place (with honors) Danny. Hell yeah! Now where’s my drum-head?   In a “Special Mention” Special Olympics kind of way Second Place, the guy that I lost money on by betting against him not lasting more than thirty seconds without crying about the injustice of the game, Adam. You Kill Bro!   Lastly, “Worldwide” with a pretty tight performance as POISON in Third Place. You ain’t so bad neither! Good Job to all who dared!  It was an amazing and inspired tournament throughout the afternoon.  We rounded out the day by eating cookies and sipping what dribbled from the empty wine bottles and talking hilarious shit about lost “loves” and maligned interpersonal relationships manifested in endless wild gesticulation, followed up by falling over dead in the grass as evidenced by the portrait of Chris, (scroll back up) sleeping with drink and smoldering cigarette in hand, dreaming away in everyone’s  familiar,  favourite, frustrating and pointless  “Where did I go wrong?” mode.  Sorry about the lack of pictures of the actual Croquet Game but believe me, we’re all very happy to still be alive. See y’all next year!

The last photo is of six foot six newcomer and non-litterbug “Tall” Nick sporting his totally radical nimbus.

MERRY NIMBUS DAWG!!!!!!

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Record Breaking Records

10 12 2009

It’s almost Christmas and if you need an unexpected gift for an unsuspecting family member or friend, think about buying them a hunk of vinyl that they probably got rid of years ago.  It’s like a spinning time machine. I’ve got every manner of music for sale here at the shop at unbelievable prices. Just check across the street at the Antique Mall and you’ll be amazed at my prices…I even have Beatles RED & BLUE Vinyl, cheap…while they last!
Or if you need some cash for something useful like say, food, clothing or rent, come on down and sell me your old unloved records. They need to be in pretty good shape and of supreme intrinsic value to random passersby.
Otherwise you can just have yourself a “Beatles are more popular than Jesus” record stomp and a Salem Witch Trials-style burning at the stake in the alley behind your hovel involving your scratched up and worthless Rush, Sting and Fleetwood Mac junk.  I pay good hard earned cash for your records if you want to sell them.  Bring me your JAZZ, HIP HOP, PUNK and CLASSIC ROCK! Call me before you rent that dump truck and I’ll make room. Happy Holidays to one and all!

Your Typical Mom's House





You Want It? You Got It!

1 12 2009

Now,  just posted today on Ebay!  My beloved 1966 Gibson Es 330.  I think I’m gonna cry.  Happy F#@%ing Christmas everyone!

This just in… The Holidays are coming a little quicker than expected for an old friend who just popped for this guitar.  Thanks to K.M. I know it’s going to the very best of homes!

The Real Nativity Scene?





Press your “MySpace-FaceBook” close to mine Love!

30 11 2009

…Freak out in a Moonage Daydream Oh Yeah!  As if I don’t have enough to worry about.  I guess I just don’t get it.  I don’t know or really want to know who’s thinking about a  purple marshmallow 13 minutes ago.   All of this one sentence Cyber-Farting is getting me down.  I reluctantly joined MySpace just so I could connect with local musicans and it’s been pretty handy but there’s so much garbage being pumped into it now with advertising and the new “look at my banal observation”-style  messaging that it’s become hard to even think about logging on…then, now everyone else  has abandoned  last week’s  “latest craze” and is on the Facebook deal and basically saying nothing to each other all day long.  C’mon folks!  People constantly tell me that I need a Facebook page.  Why?  Here’s what I say…if you really have something to say, get yourself a Blog from WordPress like I use, or my good friend Alan who does a music commentary about all kinds of cool stuff and bands you might have never heard of.   You’ll find a link to it on my site.  It’s called…nowthat’swhaticallbullshit.  Then there’s the Cell Phone thing.  Remember when we had Pay Phones? You wouldn’t spend all day yacking about idiotic nonsense just to hear yourself speak…would you?  “Where you at Dog? ” “Who me?  I’m chowing a Big Mac in my Suburban right now and throwing the wrapper out the window.  Gotta  get me a Big Gulp to wash this shit down.  Where you at now Dog?”  The phone bill for talking to someone during the day on a pay phone away from your home phone was about 25 cents.  Or if you had a copy of “Steal This Book” by Abbie Hoffman, it was free!  All you needed was a paper-clip to rub against the pay phone coin box and the reciever, you could call anyone for free.  My apologies to Ma Bell.  I did it all the time.  Sorry to hear that the phone company is  nearly destitute due to my antics.  Why do we  ‘mericans love being railroaded?  Consumerism as a lifestyle is being shoved down our throats by corporate swine who have just stolen this  country, not to mention the financial state  of  almost the entire world.   Remember the recession?  Get out there and buy something or service you don’t need!  This is officially the end of this rant for the time being.  Now for something completely different…before the advent of the Internet, Cell Phones, (sit on my) Facebook,  and the “Deer in the headlights”-type kids who are forever transfixed to brainless, numbing video games… There was Glam!
Ladies & Gentlemen, Mick Ronson in better days.

Sorry, but now I gotta go sign up for Facebook. I can’t wait to tell everyone what kind of mundane  and clever thing I’m thinking about right this very second.  Or did I just do that already?





WIGGERS!

22 11 2009

Hey Now!  I’m sorry to report that Guitar Safari’s exclusive promotion “A Free Wig With Every Purchase” has finally come to an end.  This longstanding and well loved bonus will be sadly missed by all the hundreds and thousands of worthy patrons who proudly don these fine quality coifs. I thought about promising “Free sticks and strings while they last” like my competition but just about anyone could go out any day of the week and find a stick and a piece of string…what a way to dupe the unsuspecting Pink Tutu wearing girls and Shirtless Heavy Metal Leather Pants Wearing dudes of this town that put their backs to the wind, and the camera lens, then march off hand in hand into the smoke from the smoke machine.  Now why didn’t I think of that ad campaign?  I’ll give you one guess.  No.  Wrong.  It’s just base and sexist.  I have plenty of girls coming in to my shop who play kick-ass guitar, bass or drums and don’t adhere to the insulting and sterotypical.  Well alright, now then… the photo here features two of the smartest and wildest local talents…straight from BLACK SPARROW PRESS!…Danny and Adam!  These guys rock and if you listen closely you will hear them playing at Harold’s Place on December 3rd, 2009 on the bill with legendary SST Records Producer and Genius, SPOT…or at an House Party near you very soon.  Nice wigs guys!  Where’d you score those sweet mops?





Meaty Beaty Big And Bouncy

20 11 2009

I was digging through some old photos and found this little jem.  It’s a shot of my 1974 Hiwatt Custom 50 with matching 4 X 12 Fane Loaded cabinet and my 1963 Gibson SG Junior.  These two could really make a mess!  Louder and heavier than Hell in more ways than one.  Like a mini version of what Pete Townshend of The Who used from around 1969 to the early 80’s.  These amps are built to take a beating…and deliver one to the listener as well!  Designed by David Reeves and made in the U.K. to Military Specifications, employing the very best of components and assembled by technicians wearing white lab coats!  You probably won’t ever find one of these at the local flea market or nearby garage sale but if you do, well, consider yourself warned.  Oh by the way…I do have an early 80’s 100 Watt Hiwatt Head in the shop for sale right now…gimme a call.





NOVEMBER…AS THE CROW FLIES

10 11 2009

Good Evening.  Ahem…It’s not often that one might stumble across an original Fender Esquire, let alone an Esquire Custom.  Basically what we have here is a Telecaster with only one pick up, a different tone circuit and binding on the body.  Way back when, you could buy a two pickup Telecaster for about the same price as one of these single pickup Customs.  To most people it didn’t make much sense to spend more to get less…except for the way cool binding.  This one sports a Rosewood fretboard, which I prefer.  It reminds me of my ’63 Tele Custom…Yup, Custom.  Most guitars from the 60’s have a Maple Fretboard.  This example is from 1969 which sadly is the very last year of the original production run from the late 50’s to when this little girl was born.  I’m working from memory here but I think there were only about 12 of these made that year…at any rate not many of these guitars exist at all in stock, clean condition like this one, from any year prior to 1969. Just check the clean interior of the original case it’s standing in. Most of these were probably modified to act and look something like their sibling, The Telecaster.  I love this guitar but I’m considering putting it out there for sale some time soon, probably via the Internet.  Keep an eye out and I’ll keep you posted. Not a tease, just something for you to drool over for now.
Hope y’all have a big ol’ Turkey Day this year…Cheers!esquire1





The One That Got Away :(

3 10 2009

randy bachman Just a quick one here…while she’s away…Here’s a photo of Randy Bachman of The Guess Who holding my, well what once was mine, super rare double cutaway Silvertone. This guy is a serious collector and knows his shit. That’s why I’m without this fine and very rare guitar. Thanks to Bann and Randy!!! ROCK ON!!!…and if you ever wanna sell that thing you better call me first!

…and another thing! Last night my silly band played at Godmother’s here in Pedro.  What a thrill and scary thing it was to have Glenn Cornick of Jethro Tull sit in with us! We played, or should I say, tried to play, New Day Yesterday. What a great song that is! I must say Scott did a great job of getting that together at the last minute. I, on the other hand, was just a little too happy at that point. Then Cliff Wagner gets up and blows everyone away with a couple of songs. This is the kind of show that makes life feel alive.  A pile of great folks having a night out. Thanks to everyone for coming down and also to David Pratt for letting me borrow his drum throne…NOW, I gotta get to work.  I love you!





Welcome to October! 2009…who would have believed it?

2 10 2009

Okay…Thanks to all who came out and had a blast at the Gears show.  It was really amazing and guess what?  They said they want to do it again!  Hooray for San Pedro! This month I’m blowin’ out the stock I have of AXL Badwater guitars. These babies have EMG Pickups and a very cool array of finish options.  Once they’re gone that’s it! Only $129.00!!! And I’ll throw in free Fender Chord Book…there’s enough chords in this book to keep you busy for a hunded years!!!  This month’s Pin-Up is the young and Rockin’ Guitar Safari Super Spokesmodel, Arielle in younger days.  She’s probably about 15 years old when this shot was taken and playin’ the heck out of a 1936 National Duolian…what could be better than that?
duolianArielle

As always, I do repairs ($30.00 per hr.) and set-ups ($45.00 per w/strings…that’s half the price of the other Local Yokels!) on all kinds of guitars and tube amp repair…get rid of that solid state, made to break, diposable junk and buy a real amp before there aren’t any left!  Line 6 my ass!  Why buy an amp that is trying so hard to sound like a real live tube powered amp?  Guitar Center is like the Bush Administration selling you down the river with that crap.  When it takes a dump…just throw it away!  Because it costs more to fix it than to buy a new one.  That’s just great!  …and another thing, I have a friend named Cliff Wagner.  He has a band called Old Number 7 and all you good folks need to get out of your little box and check this guy out.   He’s got several records/Cds out and is a powerhouse when live.   Good Time Bluegrass with a twist. He just finished making a SLASHER MOVIE SOUNDTRACK fer chrissakes!  More on that to follow as details arrive to the Guitar Safari News Center.  What else?  Happy Birthday to Mahatma Gandhi!!!! Born October 2nd (Assassinated on January 30th, 1948)  We really miss you!   Oh yeah, make sure you take a bath after reading this because your hair kind of stinks.





The Big Event Of The Century!!!

19 09 2009

gears

GUITAR SAFARI PROUDLY PRESENTS!…Another Fine Slut Production.

Okay. I’m gonna play it straight and tell you that you had better get your lazy “punk” diaper butts on down to Harold’s Place on September 26th and check out one of the best original Los Angeles Punk bands and get your lame, brand name Social Distortion brain tamed and edified by how great these guys are.  THE GEARS…yeah, THE FUCKING GEARS are going to play in San Pedro.  Riding high on the crest of the re-release of their crazy cool “Rockin’ At Ground Zero” record/cd, they’ve given us the honor of playing in the humble confines of the only bar in town that matters…well, I still gotta give some cred to Godmother’s, but they ain’t got no Punk Rock.  If you don’t live anywhere near San Pedro I feel very sorry for you this time.  Rounding out this Trainwreck, will be the incredible (for a multitude of reasons, good and bad) Seatbelt & The Pecking Order and the reconstituted Pedro band The Longhorns.  This is a night that should not be missed. Be sure to tip Deb the bartender and of all things, DON’T BE AFRAID TO POGO! This shit is FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!